5 Ways to Thrive During Difficult Parenting Stages

5 Ways to Thrive During Difficult Parenting Stages

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ve probably read about some of the struggles I’ve had getting along with my strong-willed sons. The tween years were especially difficult.

As my sons approached the teen years, we had a hard time seeing eye to eye on things. In fact, there were times when I loved my sons but I genuinely struggled to even like them.

Are you going through one of those difficult parenting stages? Got toddlers? Tweens? Fortunately, there are positive things you can do to not only survive but thrive! | parenting toddlers | parenting tweens | parenting teens | difficult parenting |

This was especially the case with my oldest son. And it certainly wasn’t all my son’s fault. I am also strong-willed and unfortunately, I held my own on the battlefront. There were plenty of times when we both stood our ground yelling at each other and completely out of control.

I say this to my shame.

Of course, it never started out that way. I always tried so hard to remain in control of my emotions. I tried desperately to stop taking it personally when my son became angry with me. But after being yelled at or talked to in a disrespectful manner for a certain amount of time, I was notorious for losing my cool.

Parenting is hard work!

I know what it feels like to travel through the difficult parenting stages. I know how frustrating it is to have a 3-year-old or a preteen child dig in his heels and refuse to do whatever it is you want him to do.

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If you happen to be walking a difficult road right now with one or more of your kids, here are 5 Ways to Thrive:

1 – Hang onto the good moments

Remember, your child hasn’t always been difficult to be around. Look through old photos, watch old movies, purpose to write down one positive trait of your child each day. We all do good things and bad things. Focus on the good!

2 – Remember that this too shall pass

Just when you think you have a child figured out, they change. This is true whether they are going through a good stage or a bad stage. Be supportive of your child and hang on for the ride. Things will get better.

I once had a parent with grown children tell me to remember back to how much my kids matured between being a newborn and age 4. They told me that this much growth and maturity would happen with my kids every four years of their lives, even the 4 years they were in high school.

That was super encouraging to me. Our kids won’t stay where they’re at. The immaturity and weaknesses they have now will probably not be things from which they suffer as adults.

5 Ways to Thrive During Difficult Parenting Stages

3 – Be sure to spend time recharging

It’s extremely important for you to have some time away from your child when you’re going through a rough patch with him or her. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Have some alone time whenever possible.ย Date nights with your husband are also critical during these times. Ask your husband to watch the kids so that you can go out with a friend.

4 – Dump the routine

If you’re struggling with a child, you may occasionally need to dump the regular routine and throw in something unexpected and fun. Your relationship with your child is so much more important than completing a workbook page.

Do something special with your child that you know heย will enjoy. Go out of your way to make some good memories with him.

5 – Phone a friend

If you’re having a rough day, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who will understand and tell you that you aren’t crazy. Be sure to cultivate these kinds of relationships during the good times so that you’ll have people you can lean on for encouragement when times are tough.

5 Ways to Thrive During Difficult Parenting Stages

Fortunately, the difficult stages with our kids don’t last. They’re hard to go through and they can feel like an eternity, but as time passes and our child matures, things will get better.

I’m thrilled to say that since my son has emerged from the tween years, things have been MUCH better at our house.

The son I used to struggle to be around has become a delight to spend time with.ย He has become an excellent conversationalist. He has started to thank me when he sees me doing various things for him.

He has begun speaking well of me to others. And he has even become my advocate when I’m struggling to communicate with my younger son.

Despite the difficulties we went through several years back, my son is growing up to be quite a nice young man!

Being a good parent is hard work! Being a kid can also be difficult. With lots of prayer and a little bit of understanding, you can not only get through the difficult parenting stages but you can build close relationships with your kids which will stand the test of time.

Question: Are you going through a difficult parenting stage? Do you have any other advice you could share with the rest of us? Please leave a comment below.

Are you going through one of those difficult parenting stages? Got toddlers? Tweens? Fortunately, there are positive things you can do to not only survive but thrive! | parenting toddlers | parenting tweens | parenting teens | difficult parenting |

13 thoughts on “5 Ways to Thrive During Difficult Parenting Stages”

  1. Great post! I have two boys and both seem to be strong-willed although the 9 year old seems to debate everything he is told to do. What stood out to me at INCH was to affirm them. I am the drill Sargent, do this, put that away, don’t respond that way, be nice, blah blah, blah. To affirm them I pick out positives and compliment them. They need to hear positives to offset the head to head battles. Thank you for sharing that you did not always like your son. I know I love my sons but at times I don’t like them. I don’t want to be around them.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Thanks, Linda. Sounds like we’re in a similar boat. It’s always nice to know that we aren’t alone, isn’t it?!? Hang in there! Age 9 is right around the same time that my son became The Great Debater. Now that he’s 14, he’s starting to mellow out. It will get better. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Just wanted to let you know that I have enjoyed your emails for several years now and I always make time to read them and have applied much of what you offer in advice. I sure understand this topic as my two boys are growing up. There are sure times that I feel like throwing in the towel. Thanks for being honest and encouraging, it makes me smile:)

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Thanks, Leah. I’m so glad I’ve been an encouragement to you. Hearing that is encouraging to me! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I also really appreciate you saying you love your son but don’t always like him. I have struggled with guilt over that feeling and it wasn’t until he went away to college that I was able to discover that I do genuinely love him and wasn’t just trying to convince myself of that! Absence does make the heart grow fonder! I am glad he is home for the summer and am looking forward to him going back to college in the fall and remind myself that I will miss him when we have a tough day – yes, at 19 we still have those tough days! I have four boys and appreciate all your words of wisdom and honesty in sharing what you go through.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Thanks so much for your comment, Stacey! I’m sure I could learn a lot from you as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I have two young boys that are incredibly loving and sweet, especially to their ‘momma’. And yet I’m told quite regularly that this will greatly change when they become teenagers. And… the thought saddens me. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and tips on how you’ve dealt with them! Glad things are better between you two! =)

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Yes, things definitely do get better. Especially if you continue to work on your relationship, model respect, stay patient, and do lots of praying. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I SO enjoyed this post, while I don’t have teenagers of my own yet, I have a younger teen brother than has given my parents much grief. I think it’s important to note that it IS a stage and while we want to evaluate and make sure we are doing the best we can, not to be too hard on ourselves. It is HARD! I lose my cool now, I can’t imagine when I have 5 teenagers all at once, God’s grace. Sigh. Thanks so much for linking up at Favorite things Friday, next time be sure to add a link back or button to be eligible to be featured, I’d love to see you on my blog!

  6. My difficult time has lasted about 16 years. My two additional pieces of advice are 1) Pray, pray, pray and 2) Find a support group. Al-anon has saved my life. A support group is made up of people who know exactly what you are going through and do. not. judge. The most well meaning friends tend to want to give advice, not good, and then are upset when you take it. Why would you? They have not walked a mile in your shoes.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Great advice, Val!!! And it’s so true. We’re all going through different things that no one has any understanding or idea about. Good thing to remember… Imagine how much better our relationships would be if we assumed the BEST about our loved one’s intentions rather than the worst.

  7. Ashley Sullivan

    These tips come at a good time for me, too. My son is 14 months old going on 4 it seems. His independence and strong willed personality are flourishing and he’s learning to test me. I feel like some days all I do is discipline and say “no!” I completely agree that when you finally learn the child’s ways they change them up! I’ve been super stressed out with my son because so much other stuff has gone on that isn’t even his fault (we just lost our second baby in an ectopic pregnancy, I had wrist surgery, and we’ve been financially strapped) that I’ve found myself easily irritated and frustrated at this learning stage.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      I’m sorry to hear about all of the hard things you are going through… but glad you were able to find some helpful tips from this post. Hang in there – it does get better!

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