Boys have many physical and mental differences from girls. We need to change the way we teach them to help them reach their full potential.

How Boys Learn Differently Than Girls

Overview: Boys and girls are physically different but they don’t think, feel, see, or hear the same, either. Surprised? Find out how boys learn best! 

Awhile back, I read some eye-opening books by Dr. Leonard Sax called: Why Gender Matters and Boys Adrift. I was amazed to learn that boys have many more physical and mental differences from girls than more people realize. These books include scientific evidence showing that boys not only behave differently than girls, they also hear differently, see differently, respond to stress differently, and think differently.

You may not realize it but boys’ brains work differently than girls! And this means that boys learn differently than girls as well.

How Boys Learn Differently Than Girls

The things boys can learn are very similar to what girls can learn, but the way they go about learning is very different.

This means that boys require a very different educational environment and teaching approach if we are going to help them reach their full potential.

1 – Boys SEE Differently

Boys see the world differently than do girls. This is because males have more rods in their eyes versus cones which help them to see distance and speed. Females have more cones than rods, which helps us to see color and shape. Because of this difference, boys tend to draw verbs with little color variation in their pictures while girls tend to draw nouns with lots of different colors.

When asked to draw a picture, Sally will draw a house with people and flowers and lots of pretty colors. Steve will draw a tornado which is knocking down a house and his picture may look like a large black swirl.

It’s easy to think that boys aren’t putting in as much effort as girls are because of this. However, we wouldn’t fault a Tyrannosaurus Rex for only seeing objects which are in motion, and we shouldn’t look down on our sons for seeing things differently than we do, either.

 Implications for teaching boys

  • Do not expect boys to draw something recognizable or to draw something with lots of colors. When we find fault in this way, boys begin to think that art is for girls and not for boys.
  • Allow them to draw verbs and to do it in a way that is fast and furious.
  • Don’t hold eye contact with a boy unless you’re disciplining him.
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2 – Boys HEAR Differently

Baby girls can hear ten times better than boys, and this difference gets even more pronounced as they get older. Boys can only hear every 3rd word or so of soft-spoken teachers. When boys can’t hear what their teacher is saying, they tend to drift off getting some boys the incorrect diagnosis of ADHD.

Boys also tend to make little noises while wiggling and tapping pencils which are irritating to girls but they don’t even realize they are making them.

 Implications for teaching boys

  • Speak more loudly than you normally would and be very expressive.
  • Use lots of voice fluctuation and hand motions to engage boys.
  • While working with your son, sit down next to him, spread the materials out and look at them shoulder to shoulder rather than sitting opposite him.
Boys have many physical and mental differences from girls. We need to change the way we teach them to help them reach their full potential.

3 – Boys THINK Differently

We don’t know all of the differences in how boys and girls think but we now know that their brains are arranged differently. We’ve all heard that we use the left side of our brain for verbal activities and the right side for art. But it researchers have discovered that this is only true in males.

Males who have a stroke on the left side of their brain lose 80% of their verbal ability. The verbal ability in females who have a stroke on the left side of their brain is much less impacted, proving that their verbal ability is spread across both sides of their brain.

There are many other differences in how male and female brains are arranged as well. For more details, check out Dr. Sax’s books.

→ Related Content: 8 Things Moms Should Know About Their Sons

 Implications for teaching boys

  • Book learning is essential; but, without practical, hands-on experience, boys will have a hard time grasping concepts that seem simple to us. They will disengage from their lessons.
  • Boys need real-world experiences in their education which engage all of their senses.
  • Boys also need plenty of time outdoors.
  • Boys have a hard time processing their emotions. Don’t ask boys “How would you FEEL if…” questions. Ask them “What would you DO if…” questions.
  • Boys like to have at least some control over their environments. Put each day’s schoolwork into a folder and let them decide the order in which they will complete it.

When studying literature, try these tips:

  • Have boys draw maps based on clues in the book.
  • Assign articles from the daily newspaper.
  • Have them read books with strong male characters doing unpredictable things (i.e., C.S. Lewis, Hemingway, Dostoevsky, Twain, etc.)
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4 – Boys SEE THEMSELVES differently

While girls tend to UNDERestimate their own abilities, boys tend to OVERestimate theirs. Boys also enjoy taking risks much more than do girls. The more a boy takes risks the more favorably they are usually seen by their peers, which causes them to go farther than they would choose to do on their own.

Facing danger also gives boys a pleasant feeling of exhilaration as opposed to the fearful feelings it causes in girls. And moderate stress helps boys to perform better as adrenaline causes more blood to flow to their brain. Stress has the opposite effect on girls.

 Implications for teaching boys

  • Boys respond well to a challenge if there are winners and losers.
  • A competitive team format works better than individual competitions for boys because they don’t want to let their teammates down.
  • Participating in single-sex activities such as boy scouts or team sports are very good for your sons.

If your son seems to crave danger, take these necessary steps:

  • Give him lessons with a professional (i.e., skiing) to help him improve his skills and more accurately evaluate his own abilities.
  • Supervise your child. Their risk is lower if they aren’t allowed to be alone with groups of peers because they will be less likely to try to “show off” for their friends if an adult is present.
  • Assert your authority. Don’t argue with your son. Don’t negotiate. Just do what you have to do (i.e., lock up their bike.)
Boys have many physical and mental differences from girls. We need to change the way we teach them to help them reach their full potential.

By the way, the optimum temperature for learning for boys is 69 degrees, while it is 74 degrees for girls. If you set the temperature so that it is comfortable for you, you may find your sons fall asleep or their minds wandering instead of focusing on their lessons.

If you have the opportunity to set up a single-sex learning environment for your children that works well. Try using different methods to teach your sons as opposed to the ones you use to teach your girls and you will be amazed at how your sons respond to your efforts!

Armed with this knowledge, we can set up more optimal learning environments where we can engage our sons and help them to reach their full potential. For more information, check out Dr. Sax’s books. And you may also be interested in reading my posts called 5 Easy Ways to Motivate Boys to Do ANYTHING and 8 Things Moms Should Know About Their Sons.

Question:  Were you aware of these differences in boys? What changes have you adopted which have better helped your son to learn? Please leave a comment below.

How Boys Learn Differently Than Girls

33 thoughts on “How Boys Learn Differently Than Girls”

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Awesome! Glad you found some helpful stuff. I’ll be checking out your blog, more, too. Hope you have a great day! 🙂

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Thanks! These are all things that I were new to me as well before I wrote this… so I definitely wanted to share them with others. Super helpful to know about these physical differences so that we aren’t as frustrated when our sons act differently than we think they would/should. 🙂

    1. Michelle Caskey

      I’m so glad you found it encouraging, Sonya. I feel the same way! Knowing about these physical differences is vital for helping us moms to understand why our boys are the way they are.

  1. Lacinda Q Jogiat

    My son (11 in grade 6) always struggle to settle 1st and 2nd term at school. This result in him doing poorly in his mid term exam and after that we must work extra hard to get him to a satisfactory point for his final year exam. Both of us parents live a busy life thus both boys have tutors to assist in the afternoons. 16 year old is very academic, in grade 10. He is very persistent and very determined in all he does but my my 11 year old is struggling to grasp the reality of education.

    My concern is…..id my 11 year not academic? Must we settle for a technical ability child?

    I have regular visits at school and interaction with teachers but it seems to not help much. Sometimes I feel they just do what they “can” to keep him in school (model C school).

    1. My concern is that you think you must “settle” for your son’s technical ability. Try not to compare your sons to each other. Embrace their uniqueness, embrace their individual abilities, whether academic or technical. Above all, please be mindful that your younger son feels inferior to others. In a world where technical skills can lead to a lucrative career, he could be wildly successful if he’s encouraged to hone his inherent skills.

  2. Long before I had a boy, I participated in James Dobson’s Bringing Up Boys and he talked about many of these same differences. Boys NEED motion. The school systems was not developed for boys and thus, they struggle much more in the current environment. These tips have helped me to better understand my son and the differences in his approach to learning.

  3. Great article! And gives encouragement too! . And some great suggestions and perspectives to keep in mind. That truly helps when you hit that “brick wall”, and need to stop and look at things from a different perspective

    I don’t agree with everything though, and would think some suggestions might even handicap boys. Example – boys have trouble processing emotions. True! But instead of “enabling” them to be able to “play the man card” later in life, I give extra time to help them learn to process their emotions, and learn to consider others’. Of course we talk about how he FEELS when someone hurts him, and how someone else might FEEL when he’s been hurtful. Prayerfully he will marry (an emotion-driven woman) one day, and I don’t want her to be annoyed I didn’t help my boy to increase his emotional IQ ;).
    (I do have 3 adult sons, and 2 adult daughters; most people, especially women, are impressed with my sons’ compassion and thoughtfulness of others, and ability to engage in deep conversations. They don’t understand this, as its normal to them. )

    I think it’s just using good judgment and balance, and understanding each child (and parent!) is different, and while some ideas are perfect, some aren’t, so an intuned parent needs to adjust appropriately

    1. I agree. I think the issue is that males may have a harder time verbalizing their emotions than girls (maybe naturally, maybe because they weren’t encouraged or expected to), though they feel just as strongly. So they just need to be taught language to identify and communicate their emotions, and understand others.

      Overall, interesting info, as long as people keep in mind these are generalizations. I think that, while it is important to recognize some broad differences in boys and girls, hard and fast ideas about what a boy or girl is “supposed” to be like actually feed into the current fad of gender “misidentification”, the idea that one’s gender and biological sex don’t “match” and the ensuing mayhem. If a boy can sit still, talk about how he feels, nurture others, care about his appearance, etc. it doesn’t make him a girl, or somehow less of a boy, but there are those in positions of influence who will encourage such a boy to think so. So let’s be careful about this sort of thing or we’re feeding into a much bigger problem.

      1. Yes, you’re so right. That wasn’t my intention at all. Humans are complex and we are all unique.

        I have two sons and one of them talks to me all the time where the other one is quiet. One is more rough and tumble and the other is more sensitive. But they are both males and there are plenty of things I struggle to understand about BOTH of them. 🙂

        There are hard-wired differences in the way men and women generally think, feel, see, and hear that we benefit from being aware of as well. I had no idea men’s eyes work differently – or that they aren’t able to hear as well as I am. When I first learned that information, it was surprising to me.

        It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking something is wrong with our husband or sons because they aren’t responding the way WE would as women. Or that they’re purposefully not listening to us rather than not hearing us in the first place. And that isn’t necessarily the case. Our brains do work differently. One isn’t better than the other. Just different.

        Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! 🙂

  4. Thank you for this article. In the past year or so, my 15-year-old son (2 older sisters, 2 younger brothers) has been driving me crazy!!! Every day, he wants to do something different–we have been homeschooling since before he was born, and now, he wants to go to public school. He wants to GO and DO constantly! I am a stay-at-home type of person, so this frenzy of “can’t I do this”, “I’m going to do that” is just insane–to me. I have always known that boys and girls are very different, but this explains a little bit how. My 2 girls (ages 23 & 18) were easier to raise. I am just praying that things will smooth out SOON with him.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      I’m glad you found this post helpful, Shasta. I know I was surprised when I first learned this information as well! I know the feeling of being a homebody but having boys who are wanting to go and do… You may be interested in reading a post I wrote about our experience with putting our boys in basketball this past winter. My 14-year-old and I had been having a hard time getting along the previous couple of years… and I was at my wits end. Having them in an organized sport which really pushed them physically helped to make a huge difference in our home. Here’s the link if you’re interested: https://www.homeschool-your-boys.com/benefits-of-team-sports/

      There are other ways to tire them out at well… but physically pushing them until they are at the end of their energy on a regular basis seems to help everyone big time! And that can be hard to do without an outlet like sports.

  5. rachel coleman

    Interesting, but I see so much of these qualities in 3 girls who are the oldest of my friends kids.

    1. Michelle Caskey

      Boys generally see, hear, think, and see themselves in certain ways. That being said, we are all unique individuals. There are some boys and girls who will do things differently than others of the same gender. I’m not sure which qualities you are referring to with your friend’ daughters; however, the main thing to keep in mind is that there are real, physical differences between boys and girls. It’s important for us to understand these differences so that we can appreciate both sexes and try to create environments for each gender which will help learning to flourish. 🙂

    1. Michelle Caskey

      You’re welcome. I’m glad you found it helpful! And thank-you for sharing it. I appreciate that very much. Hope you have a great day! 🙂

  6. Just want to point out a typo in the following section;

    Implications for teaching boys

    Book learning is essential; but, without practical, hands-on experience, boys will HAVE a hard time grasping concepts that seem simple to us.

  7. “Danger itself gives boys a pleasant feeling of exhilaration as opposed to the fearful feelings it causes in girls”

    I think a lot of this carries over into adulthood. I worked in munitions for the US Air Force for 21 years, and my wife could never understand why it was such a thrill to be out in the field training on grenades and blowing stuff up. We loved it!

    1. Michelle Caskey

      You’re definitely right, Scott! It’s a good reminder for us moms who see our boys wanting to do things that make us cringe. We need to let them! We at least need to consult our husbands to see if what they’re wanting to do is acceptable. I know at our house, my boys do all sorts of things that make me have to avert my eyes… but my husband just smiles and says they’re being boys. We want our guys to grow up wanting to do dangerous things – and to be willing to protect us if and when the time comes.

      By the way, thank-you for your service to our country!!!

  8. I am a homeschool mom of 8 warriors. I also have 2 little ladies in the mix and I can testify that they are very different. Ws have 6 that are school age ans 5 of these are boys. This is great information and reminders. Thank you so much. I look forward to learning more from your journey and adventure.

    1. Thanks so much, Davina. I hope you find lots of helpful info on my site. I’m sure I could learn A LOT from you and your experience as well!

  9. Thanks for sharing! I have a 3 year old son, and two daughters. He is sometimes a mystery to me. It helps to understand some of the differences you wrote about. But I’m not sure all of them apply to him. Both my girls, ages (almost) 5 and 18 months, are not afraid to try new things. The youngest is very determined and will try over and over again until she learns it, even at this young age. The older loves new experiences, new people, new things to try. My son, on the other hand, likes to stay home, generally doesn’t like to try new things, takes a while to warm up to new ideas, likes things to be predictable and routine, and often focuses on the negatives. We recently put on a party at home with a few friends just for fun for him, and the thing he woke up in the night upset about and still talks about days later is how he isn’t happy that a balloon blew away. I’m a bit mystified at how to help him focus on the postives and not get hung up on one thing he didn’t like. I am going to read more posts on your blog and see if I can find some things to help. He is a very kind-hearted boy and can be thoughtful of others in ways his sisters aren’t, although of course knows how to bug his sisters like a pro. I really want to encourage and help him grow in the best aspects of his personality, and I never want him to feel like I want him to be more like his sisters.

    1. Oh, yes, we’re all unique individuals so all boys do not act exactly the same. And the same goes with girls. Hopefully, my posts will help you unlock the keys to your son as they include lots of tips with generally hold true for boys. But yeah, you’re the expert on your own kids so you’ll be the best one to judge which tips have the best chance of working for them.

  10. Very interesting, and yet not surprising. It’s always cool to see that science actually DOES prove that we are different in so many ways. We need to stop pretending like we are all the same, and embrace the differences. Of course not every boy is a loud daredevil, but they certainly are not all quiet and tame, and to expect that of them is simply ont fair.

    1. True. Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule. But yes, we need to start celebrating the differences between men and women rather than trying to ignore them and pretend we’re all the same.

  11. For all the reasons you have pointed out explaining why boys are different are the reasons I have supported and have been a leader in Boy Scouts. One of the goals of BSA is to help boys develop into mature, responsible men by association with positive male role models in an outdoor environment. I regret that moms are more and more taking over leader roles, and that girls are being allowed in the Boy Scouts. Boys have to compete with sisters in every other situation. Moms run the home, the schools, the church class room, and many extracurricular activities. Men have failed to step up to the plate when it comes to molding our boys. Thus, we have fewer and fewer men.

    1. I agree with this, Dean. Our boys need to have the influence of men in their lives and Boy Scouts used to be a great place for this to happen. I wish more men would step up and take on the responsibility of helping our boys learn how to become men. Our society is suffering due to a lack of positive male role models in the lives of our sons AND daughters.

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