focus

Where is our Focus?

Last night I was sitting at the picnic table in our backyard, waiting for our dog to do his business. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. As I sat there, I felt my shoulders sagging and my head drooping down.

After sitting that way for several minutes, a bird flew overhead and got my attention. As I turned around, I gasped. There was a beautiful sunset taking place behind me. A flock of geese was flying into the bright orange sky, and it was all taking place in front of the lovely barn and alfalfa field next door.

I had been so focused on waiting out the mundane matter before me that I had almost missed the stunning scene which was taking place all around me.

Where is our Focus?

As I watched the beautiful scene, I couldn’t help but compare it to our homeschool experience. Could it be that sometimes I’m so focused on choosing the right curriculum, creating lesson plans, and crafting other details of our day that I fail to sit back and enjoy the splendor of the experience?

Are We Focused on the Right Things?

I think we do this all too often. As homeschool moms, our children surround us on a daily basis. Sometimes the chaos of the never-ending demands, the quarreling, the whining, and the unceasing questions can cause us to forget the amazing blessings that we have in our children.

We get discouraged. We can focus on the harder, more negative parts of our lives and fail to recognize the treasures which are all around us.

Our family has entered a time in our home where we are starting to deal with some preteen hormones and conflict. This has recently caused quite a strain on the relationship between myself and my oldest son. I find myself feeling just as impatient and frustrated with his behavior as he seems to be feeling with me.

There are days when I question my desire to continue homeschooling him. I figure that if he doesn’t want to listen to me anymore, wouldn’t it be easier to just ship him off to school and let someone else deal with him?

Then I catch a glimpse of this same son in an old home movie. I see his sweet little face and his smiles and it almost takes my breath away reminding me of the love I have for this child.

I miss that little guy sometimes. He can even be a little bit naughty in the movie and it just makes me snicker. It doesn’t make me as drop-down angry as I seem to get with him nowadays.

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And, it’s even more telling when I see myself in those same old home movies. I’m so encouraging to my little son. I’m so eager to see the new things he’s learning. So quick to compliment him and cheer for him when he masters even the most basic skills.

When is the last time I’ve cheered for my son (other than at sporting events?) When is the last time I was eager to come look at something he had created or accomplished?

I think I’ve been way too busy focusing on the wrong things.

Yes, it’s important to plan and to prepare – but it’s also important to enjoy my boys throughout the day. I may have my lessons ready to teach but is my attitude prepared? I want my boys to enjoy learning but am I enjoying teaching?

I will be pondering these important questions as I continue to prepare myself for the coming homeschool year.

Where is Our Focus?

So, if you’ve discovered that you’ve been focusing on the wrong things, what can you do to get back on track?

Here are 4 ways to get your focus back where it should be:

1 – Ask God to help you

Whenever we find ourselves lacking, our first thought should be to ask God for help. I confess that this isn’t always the first thing I think of doing. Sometimes it’s down the line after I’ve completely come to the end of myself.

I make it so much harder on myself because of my unwillingness to lay my burdens at Jesus’ feet right away.

God is ready and willing to give us the strength, the wisdom, and the patience to not only live our lives, but to live them abundantly. John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Satan wants to keep us focused on the petty and the disappointing things in our lives. When we find that we’re focusing on these things, we would be wise to go to God right away and ask him for the help we need.

focus1

2 – Have accountability 

It’s so helpful to have trusted friends and family members who are not only willing to listen, but who are also willing to tell us what we need to hear.

Not just what we WANT to hear but what we NEED to hear.

Try to find one or two close accountability partners with whom you can be completely honest.

If possible, try to find people who will temper their honesty with kindness. We’re usually hard enough on ourselves – we don’t need others who are eager to hit us over the head with our flaws. Or people who think we’re defective if we aren’t carbon copies of themselves.

3 – Reminders 

If you find your mind thinking about things in a way you know isn’t healthy or best, it’s good to post reminders for yourself wherever you look on a regular basis. I have a small spiral notepad that I keep in my kitchen window above my sink which contains my favorite, encouraging Bible verses.

I have also posted quotes and reminders for myself on the wall above my computer monitor. It’s amazing how often I catch myself glancing at these things and getting my thoughts back in check.

Where is our Focus?

4 – Give Yourself Grace

Remember that you aren’t going to be able to form this new habit immediately. Knowing you need to start shifting your focus is an excellent start. But you will have setbacks.

When you find yourself focusing on the wrong things again, don’t beat yourself up or become discouraged. Simply resolve to start again.

It can be easy to let ourselves get caught up in the negative aspects of life – for ourselves and for our kids. This year, I want to be my boys’ cheerleader as well as their teacher. This year, I want to focus on what’s truly important. This year could be the best homeschool year we’ve ever had if I am able to remember the joy of being a mom to my boys and am able to let go of some of the sorrows.

I’m truly excited for this year to begin. No one ever said that homeschooling boys would be easy; but, if I can successfully keep the important things in focus, it will be a more joyful journey.

Question: Are you focused on the right things? What distractions have caused you to miss what’s really important in life? Please leave a comment below.

12 thoughts on “Where is our Focus?”

  1. This is such an important reminder. It makes me think of that old “Tyranny of the Urgent” idea where we let the urgent things dominate everything we do. Yet that focus on the urgent things can become highly skewed. Love this!

  2. As I’m reading this there is a ‘war’ breaking out upstairs. Three teens with hormones happening!(and FASD ). It’s tempting to wonder if they will ever like each other again but there are those few times (less than when they were younger) when they look for each other to do something together. I hang on to the fact that God gave me these and He is working in my life even when I’m not sure what they are willing to let Him do in their lives. It is a season of life. I happen to get to go through it more than once as we have 4 adult children, the first of which just recently had her first become a teen. We need to keep the bigger picture in focus.

    1. Yes, that’s so true, Linda. Hang in there! At least since you’ve been through it before, you’ve got first hand experience with it getting better. Thanks for sharing your story with us. 🙂

  3. This post reminds me of how I used to regain focus during my hour with the 6th graders when I taught public school! I was lucky to be in the Title One lab, where I worked with 3rd through 6th grade, and they went back to their homeroom teachers after their hour with me. This also enabled me to work with those same kids for 4 years and see the growth, a bit like we do when we homeschool:) If they really got on my nerves, I would just close my eyes and think about how cute they were in 3rd or 4th grade.

  4. Darlene Oliveira

    If they didn’t believe they could do it better,they wouldn’t have the nerve to leave and try it for themselves. I try to remember that on those days we just can’t seem to get on the same page. This is part of God’s natural process of preparing them to leave father and mother. I pray often for wisdom to give them good memories of our time together, but it is one of the biggest challenge I have faced so far. Thanks for your honesty and encouragement. You aren’t alone.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Darlene! I’m going to write down your first sentence and post it above my sink!
      Thank you for this reminder, Michelle! Your articles always speak straight to my heart, and this was no exception 🙂

    1. Thank-you, Paula. That’s so kind of you! I really do love my boys!!! My 15-year-old just returned from a mission’s trip to Brazil. He was gone for 2 1/2 weeks and it was a stretch for this mom to have him gone that long, let me tell you. It certainly reminds you of how much you love them when they do something like that. 😉

  5. I have a 14 year old son and 95% of the time he’s completely awesome but that 5% we just don’t understand each other. I try using my planner to get focused on my daily tasks so I can stay present in the moments with my boys. My head is usually running in a million different directions and it’s a small thing to help me focus.

    Stopping by from Mommy Monday Blog Hop but hope you’ll link up with me too at Small Victories Sunday Linkup and Pretty Pintastic Party both going on now on my blog.

    1. Yes, our boys can be a mystery to us moms… but with a little bit of effort and research, we can figure out ways to better connect with them. Hopefully you’ll be able to find lots of helpful posts on my blog for that very thing.

      I’m happy to link up with you. I just linked up at Small Victories… but it looks like the Pretty Pintastic Party is already closed. Take care and thanks so much for stopping by!

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