(This is the eighth post in the series called I Don’t Understand You! – Learning How to Connect with Your Child When They Think Differently than You. If you haven’t read the first post already, you might want to start there.)
I was fortunate to have heard a Focus on the Family podcast which featured Kathy Koch, author of How Am I Smart? talking about nurturing our child’s intelligence. It was comforting to hear her say that all of our kids are smart – but that they all think differently. When we don’t understand what our child is thinking, often that means that they are smart in different areas than we are. This post will cover kids who Kathy calls ‘people smart’ – otherwise known as extroverts.
Many people think that if you’re an extrovert then you are friendly and outgoing. The actual meaning of being an extrovert, however, is someone who is energized by being around other people. If your child is people smart, they can actually become bored if they aren’t around others.
People smart kids think more clearly while they are with other people. Kathy says that these kids “know what they know when they hear themselves say it and people respond to it.” These kids love to brainstorm with others, love discussion, and love working in small groups. They can also be very persuasive.
People smart kids are usually characterized by several of the following:
- Interested in people
- Make friends easily
- Enjoy people watching
- Able to read body language
- Able to discern people’s mood and intentions
- Often think by bouncing their ideas off of others
- Talk when they get excited
- Tend to have many friends
- Able to motivate others
- Peacemakers
If your child has several of the above characteristics then they are probably people smart. People smart kids are the ones whose thoughts always end up coming out of their mouths. They can read people so well that they can be tempted to manipulate them. On the positive side, they are often drawn to service because they can discern people’s needs.
A study at the University of Iowa which performed PET scans on the brains of healthy individuals showed that the different areas of the brain are more active depending on whether we are extroverts or introverts.
People smart kids crave spending time with their peers. These kids struggle if they spend too much time alone. If you have a child who is people smart, be sure to give them plenty of opportunities for spending time with others. They will feed extremely confined without regular social interaction.
Here are some practical ways for connecting with your people smart child:
- Have discussions – Be sure you talk with these children rather than lecturing at them. Be sure they know that you appreciate their social skills. Try to be patient with
them even if they appear to be rambling. Remember that all of the talking is helping them to think. Try not to interrupt them or cut them off. They also need your feedback so try not to be critical of their words. - Listen with discernment – Remember that just because an extrovert says something out loud, it doesn’t mean that they have completely thought through their words. They’re thinking out loud. Ask them if they’re just thinking out loud or if they actually want to do what they’ve said.
- Be patient – Extroverts often think that if you’re pausing, it’s an invitation for them to jump into the conversation. They aren’t trying to interrupt you!
- What do you think? – Ask them their opinion often. These kids will definitely appreciate it when you ask them how they feel about different topics.
- Provide safe outlets – Because these kids crave spending time with others, you need to be sure to teach them about stranger safety, internet safety, etc. Be sure to put internet filters on your computers!
- Give them variety – These kids can object to lots of routine or long, drawn out projects.
- Reaching them spiritually – Teach these kids about the person of Christ and the one another’s in the Bible. Allow them to participate in small group Bible Studies. They will also benefit from being part of a good church youth group.
People smart kids end up being great public speakers, teachers, counselors, politicians, sales people, waiters, doctors, and inventors. They tend to think best when they are bouncing ideas back and forth with someone else.
Here are some great methods for teaching these kids:
- Allow these kids to brainstorm with you or other children – then start their individual assignments after they’ve had a chance to talk it through.
- Role playing, dramas, and demonstrations are very effective.
- Provide a partner for tedious work.
- Find them a mentor or set up opportunities for them to job shadow others.
- Let them work in small groups whenever possible.
- Ask your child questions and have them answer. These kids love to discuss stuff!
- When writing papers, they would be more motivated writing about people rather than about places or events.
People smart kids like partnerships and interactive play. These children do not tend to enjoy playing alone in their rooms for great periods of time. Also, they don’t self-entertain well. For more tips for helping you to understand your People Smart Child, please check out Kathy Koch’s book, How Am I Smart?
Question: Do you have a People Smart Child? Have you found any other clever ways to connect with your child? What has your experience been like when dealing with a child who thinks differently than you? Please leave a comment below.