Overview: Want to bless your future daughter-in-law? The best way to do that is to begin training our sons for their roles as husbands and fathers as early as possible. Here’s how!
Someday, most of our sons will be married. We all hope that they will choose wisely and will find women who love God and with whom they can have a successful marriage.
My hope is that someday, my daughter-in-laws will come to me and thank us for the wonderful gift that our sons are in their lives.
In order to have that happen, however, there are things we can all be doing RIGHT NOW to help prepare our sons to be good spouses – which will bless our future daughter-in-laws down the road.
Here are 5 Ways to Bless Your Future Daughter-in-Law:
1. Pray for Her
Even though we don’t know who she is, we can and should pray for her now. We can pray for her relationship with her parents. Pray that she will guard her heart and her mind in Christ Jesus.
We can pray that she will save herself for her future husband. And pray that she will be open to God’s leading in her life.
2. Pray for your Son
We can pray for the same things for our son. Ask God to help us have a close and trusting relationship with him. Ask that we’ll make wise decisions for our son, and that we’ll know when we need to back off and let him decide for himself.
Pray that our sons will not conform to the patterns of this world – and will have the strength to resist the pressure to give up their innocence before marriage. And above all, pray that our sons will have a strong relationship with God and that they will be sensitive to God’s promptings.
3. Train Your Son to Look for Ways to Bless Others
This is a step above simply following a chore chart and checking things off of a list. Start encouraging your son to have a heart which wants to be helpful. Teach him to look around and see what needs to be done – and then do it.
We’ve recently started working on this one at our house and I think this lesson will take a while to really sink in. I’ve started by creating a task on my boys’ school sheet which says to “Help Mom with one thing each day.” Every day they are supposed to look around, see one thing that needs to be done and do it without prompting.
So far, I’m having to look around with them and find something they can help me with. But my goal is that at some point, they will internalize this lesson and will develop eyes that naturally look around to see where they can be helpful.
4. Train Your Son to Say, “How Can I Help You Today?”
Wives appreciate having spouses who will lend a hand. Even when your son doesn’t know what he can do to help you, train him to ask the question, “How Can I Help You Today?” This is easier to accept than the phrase, “Do You Need Help?”
For example, if I’m making dinner and my husband asks if I need help – but I see that he’s in the middle of something himself – or that he’s relaxing – I’m reluctant to “bother” him and I’m likely to say, “No, I’m good” whether or not I’d actually like some help.
If my husband walks out to the kitchen and says, “How can I help you?” there’s always something (often several things) that he can do to help. That phrase conveys more of a desire to help and someone who is just wanting to be directed – rather than someone who would rather not help unless you really NEED it.
5. Prioritize Their Relationship/Marriage
When our sons begin dating seriously or get married, it’s important that we encourage them to put the needs of their girlfriends before our own. We shouldn’t insist that they do things the way our families have always done them or put their own needs first.
Be supportive and let them know that you’re willing to change up how you celebrate holidays. Don’t put excessive demands on their time. Make sure they know you realize things will change and don’t make them feel bad about it.
Matthew 19 4-6 says, Jesus answered, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the creator made them male and female? And God said, ‘Because of this a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife, and the two will be one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, humans must not pull apart what God has put together.”
Once our sons have a significant other, we will no longer be the most important woman in their lives and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Rather than having hurt feelings, we need to let our sons know that we understand and even encourage them to think this way. There is still room for you in your son’s life but things will be different.
Incorporating these habits into our homes will not only bless our future daughter-in-laws… they will also help to strengthen and enhance the relationships between ourselves and our sons.
Question: Have you found other ways to bless your future daughter-in-law? Please leave a comment below.
I was pretty serious when I married my fun-loving wife. She has helped me loosen up, but it took some work. I want to help our sons be responsible and diligent without taking themselves too seriously.
Oh, that’s another good one, John. I’d love to hear any specific ways that you’re working with your sons on overcoming that one!