The other day, I was feeling behind. I was attempting to prepare my boys’ homeschool lessons for the coming week, to unload the dishwasher so that I could empty the sink, and to make several different types of sandwiches for the various members of my family because we all like them prepared differently.
Suddenly, I remembered my son had asked me to do something important for him several hours back and I had completely forgotten about it. And I knew I had a huge list of blogging responsibilities which was waiting for me next to my computer as well.
It was extremely overwhelming!
How in the world was I going to keep juggling these balls at the same time?Â
The house was a mess. I had gotten into a just-in-time pattern for preparing homeschool lessons and blog posts. And I resented my family because they kept needing clean clothes and food!
Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever feel like there’s no way you can handle all the pressure associated with being a homeschool mo? Do you ever wonder how in the world you’ll be able to continue homeschooling successfully through the high school years?
Do you ever feel like you might be failing your family?
After beating myself up for a while with this line of thinking, I had an epiphany. I realized that my “failure” could actually be a benefit to my family.
I discovered that it might actually be good that I was unable to do it all… that perhaps I shouldn’t even try to keep all of those balls juggling successfully.
Here are 3 Benefits of Dropping the Ball:
1 – If You Forget Stuff
There is NO WAY we can remember everything for everyone in our family. Tasks are bound to fall through the cracks. The good news about this is that when we forget things, our family will need to start remembering them on their own.Â
The downside to having it all together and keeping everything running smoothly around our houses and in our homeschools is that our kids aren’t forced to remember things on their own.
If everything is running like clockwork, our kids will learn to do what we say when we say it. They will get used to us nagging them reminding them of everything. If we are unable (or unwilling) to pester them about things that are important to them, then our kids will learn more personal responsibility.
This is definitely a benefit!
2 – If You Don’t Have Time to do Everything
As homeschool moms, our hands are full. It’s overwhelming to try to juggle homeschool lessons, cooking, cleaning, running errands, appointments, paying the bills, keeping toddlers occupied, giving kids individualized attention, etc.
When our kids are young, there isn’t as much they can do to help us. We can assign chores to them however, we still need to oversee their work.
As our kids get older, however, there are lots of tasks that they can help with. You may find that it’s easier to get kids to step up in areas where they have a vested interest.
For instance, if your boys are hungry enough, they’ll be motivated to learn how to make their own breakfast and lunch. If your kids want to participate in a co-op then they’ll be more motivated to complete their homework without you having to be as involved.
When we’re having a hard time keeping up with everything, another thing to consider is trying to help our kids become more independent learners. Obviously, the older your kids are the more possible this option becomes.
Here are some ways to encourage independent learning:
- Look into online classes for a few subjects (like math!)
- Give them books to read on their own
- Create a daily checklist and make it their responsibility to complete
And try to get your kids to step up doing chores around the house. It isn’t easy to start this process, but once you’ve gotten them to take ownership of some of these tasks, it will help tremendously to take a load off of your shoulders.
3 – If You Don’t Do it “Right”
I have a couple of boys who like things done a certain way. One son wants his grilled cheese sandwiches toasted very lightly. The other wants laundry done a certain way. Once our kids start to develop preferences about how things are done around the house, that’s a great time to teach them how to do these things on their own.
If they want a sandwich prepared with lots of mayonnaise rather than the amount you normally use, let them start making their own sandwiches. If they want their basketball uniforms washed a certain way, let them start washing their own uniforms.
If we let our kids know they can have things done EXACTLY the way they want them done if they learn to do it themselves, they will be more likely to put forth the effort to take on the work of learning a new skill.
It’s so much easier to say, “Hey, Mom, could you… ” than to do it themselves. But, when they have a strong preference for how they’d like something done, that could be the tipping factor on their willingness level.  🙂
And the more our kids do for themselves, the more prepared they will be for life.
As you can see, our inability to keep juggling all the balls is actually a good thing, and it benefits our children.
It forces them to step up and take ownership and to become more responsible. The next time you see yourself going crazy trying to juggle too many balls yourself, remember that you don’t have to do this on your own. Your kids are fully capable of helping out in some capacity.
Take a few minutes to brainstorm areas in which they can be involved and then get busy training them. It will take a bit of work to get your kids up to speed, but in the long run, you will be so glad you took that time.
And you will save your sanity!
What do you do when you find yourself dropping the ball? Have you been successful at delegating duties to your kids? Do your children enjoy being independent learners? Please leave a comment below.
It’s good to be reminded that we’re not alone! Thank for your candid and inspiring evaluation. Great tips!!
Thanks, Erica. I feel like we go through things so that we’ll be able to help others down the road. Glad I could help! 🙂
This is so true. When mom can’t do it all, the kids can learn to inch a little closer to adulthood, and THAT is a good thing.
I’d love to hear from moms who are truly too tired to get everything done due to not getting enough sleep/nursing babies/chasing toddlers, etc… Of course, this is another opportunity for older kids to step up. There’s just a guilt that goes with not truly having energy for extras beyond the basics. I wonder if any other moms of toddlers to teens struggle with the guilt that I am trying to rid myself of during seasons of not getting enough sleep. Sometimes it can go on for a long time.
Oh, I remember those days! It’s truly difficult to function when you aren’t getting enough sleep. Try to remember that it’s only a season and at some point, you will be sleeping through the night again. And eventually, YOU will be the one waking up your TEENS. It seems mind-blowingly impossible when your kids are little – but it does happen. I hope other moms will chime in to encourage you as well. You are NOT alone!
Michelle, thank you so much for these amazing tips! I LOVE your blog! I am always touched when I visit your blog and remember when your boys were small and I see that they’re growing into young men. It’s a reminder to embrace my homeschool days even on the tough ones, like today. So I am thankful and blessed to have come across your blog because your message today spoke to me. Thank you so much for shining your light and sharing your journey.
Awwww, thanks so much, Kelly. I’m glad I’ve been able to encourage you. Yes, the days can definitely be long and hard and difficult. But looking back, the years have flown by. The next thing you know, you’ll be looking back as well and remembering fondly some of those same things that are frustrating you right now. BTW – Try to capture as much as you can on video. You think you’ll remember how your kids look and forever… but those memories fade in the light of the people they are becoming.
I feel like you’ve written this in response to a text I sent my husband this morning! It said, “I feel like all of this is impossible….I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so defeated and I have no way to change things.” This was after my toddler burned himself on a glue gun left out by an older brother and cried for hours (No, it really wasn’t that bad. But he’s a crier and it only takes 1 thing to have him waking for hours.) Totally disrupting any chance of school. It was also an “off” day for my dyslexic/ADD 5th grade son. Momof7, I’m only a mom of 4 and I have laundry up to my eyeballs and barely enough energy at the end of the day to shower myself! I keep wondering hire to balance it all. My dyslexic/ADD son cannot get anything fine with out a LOT of reminding, plus all of the extra help a dyslexic learner needs feels impossible some days. So, if I leave him to go stay a load of laundry, I might find him building a tree house after 15 min of searching! So, I’m not able to double task. I can NOT do it all and I hate the feeling of failing in these different areas. I like to have my ducks in a row and I like peace and quiet. Do I keep on trudging through? I don’t feel that God wants me in a constant state of failure, but I KNOW He’s called me to this. I really love homeschooling. But how? How to get it all in and done? I’m wondering if there’s other mom’s out there with an older son that’s unmotivated, forgetful, struggles with reading and focus, that has a younger son catching up to older brother? Maybe even in maturity too? They are 3+ years apart. I love your blog. I’ve referred a lot of my friends to it! 🙂
Hello! Michelle’s blog is amazing and certainly a source of encouragement. I am glad you have her. I am amazed at what you get done each day. Balancing life, homeschool, housework and everything else with it is hard.
I only have two and the laundry, dishes, housework never ever ends. I think they are multiplying when I am not looking. You have 4?! Wow great job!
I, too, like my ducks in a row but I think I have monkeys instead. It is very hard to feel like I am doing anything right when everything is chaotic. I try to think of one thing I got done each day and count it as a win. Just one!
Michelle’s video really was quite amazing, I hope it helped you.
I don’t have any tips, advice or anything as my situation is different from you but I do have something I want you to know. You are doing awesome and you are not alone!
I haven’t dealt with your exact situation and don’t pretend to know all the answers, but I thought I’d add that my hardest year of homeschooling was when my son was in 3rd grade. My two kids are 5 years apart and that was a demanding year for me as parent/teacher. My toddler was into everything – I couldn’t put things away fast enough. I felt like my entire life revolved around naptime for her. There was part of me that wanted that break for myself, but knew it was the best time to tackle one-on-one math lessons with my 3rd grader. Also, there was no glue gun, but I can tell you that black crayon on the walls with a coat of Vaseline to seal it in will result in repainting the entire room. 😉
I say all of that to say that it was my most challenging year thus far, but we made it through. Some days were successful from a homeschooling standpoint and some days were complete bombs. It wasn’t easy and it took some time, but it got better and we found a new normal. Ultimately, it was my first lesson that, like everything in life, seasons of homeschool come and go.
Know that we’re all thinking of you and praying for you in this hard season! <3
Michelle,
Thanks so much for your sweet words of encouragement!
Onesetoffootprints: I also have a dyslexic/add child… much like you described. He’s in the 3rd grade. It took me until just this year to figure out that he is both dyslexic and ADD. I must have been in denial, because my oldest also has ADD, but another form of it.. ( Check out Dr. Amen’s book Healing ADD- there are 7 types of ADD) My 2nd born seems to also have a form of dyslexia that is getting much better, but school has never been easy for him either. Looking at the alternative of putting these struggling learners in school never seemed like a good option…. but I’ll admit that it gets *really* discouraging with the 3rd grader. This year in particular has been a real game-changer for me in understanding that we’ve got some brain issues in our home. I got some of Dianne Craft’s resources that have helped me ( along with Dr Amen) to understand a bit more of what we are dealing with. Because of these resources, I was able to take my oldest off of Concerta ( long lasting Ritalin) and use natural things in place of it. Honestly… it’s just a work in progress. All the time. I was really good at giving Cod Liver oil for awhile ( very good for the brain) but have sort of dropped that ball recently. Right now, I am just really seeking the Lord. Asking him what it is He requires of me…. Trying to learn to put the voice of the enemy out of my mind… That voice that tells me it’s just never ” enough”.
Blessings to you today. 🙂 The Lord always has answers for everything, even if it takes awhile to find them.
Perfect timing. I love your honesty and encouragement. Today I actually put myself back to bed mid-day after feeling overwhelmed. I carry guilt for not being enough. For neglecting the rich history activities, science experiments, and read-aloud cuddle time. But you know what? During my break, my bigs helped my littles, they were all fed, & some even resumed their schooling on their own. At that moment, I accepted God’s amazing grace, reset my caliber, and reclaimed my homeschool for His glory. I can’t do it all, but all that I can do, it’s for for Him!
Oh, that’s so wonderful. Yes, it’s important to know our limits. And I love that – “I can’t do it all, but all that I can do, it’s for Him.” I may have to print that and post it on my wall. 🙂
Thank you all for sharing. I think this post had helped me see areas where my children are growing and becoming better people because they have to help out, contribute, carry their own weight… or at least part of it. Yesterday I was thinking of all the things my oldest helps with and how different parenting my youngest one would be without his older brothers pitching in. I will hang in there! My husband keeps telling me that he thinks this is going to be my most challenging year of homeschool…. now, I think he said that the last 2 years, but I hope he’s right and it’s encouraging to hear you ladies say, “that was my hardest year” because it gives me hope that it won’t always be so crazy!
I love the fact that as my kids get older I can assign them things to do. Sometimes I will feel guilty for being the “bad mom” who makes them make their own lunches. Then I realize that in the end I am raising self-reliant, capable human beings. Ones who have learned that we are greater together as a team than as one single person.
I feel that guilt, too, Heidi. I wonder why that is?!? Because yeah, it’s definitely a benefit to our kids that we are teaching them to be self-sufficient. 🙂
Great post Michelle! It’s definitely a challenge to get everything accomplished and keep all the balls in the air. I’ve appreciated having my children help a little more as they get older. My oldest is able to be fairly independent with a lot of his learning too which makes a big difference. It takes time and effort to teach them how to help out and do some things on their own but it’s so worth it. Especially since it’s impossible for me to do it ALL!
Yes, the independent learning stage is definitely a blessing!
I love this post! Thank you for sharing it with us at Hip Homeschool Moms! I think we moms often try to take care of everything ourselves instead of allowing (or requiring) our children to step up and help take care of themselves, and we’re doing them a disservice! Thank you for this reminder that we actually don’t need to do everything ourselves. I’m sharing this on tomorrow’s Hip Homeschool Hop post as one of our featured favorites. 🙂
Thanks so much, Wendy! I really appreciate that. 🙂
So true! Homeschool mom or not, I think if we COULD do it all, we may not require our children to learn how to do certain essential life skill tasks around the house.
Oh yes. I think this is one of those universal truths of parenting! 🙂
I have 4 children, 2 boys (15 and 13 years old) and 2 girls (10 and 8 years old), and I’ve learned to have them responsible for some of their own tasks, from making their own breakfasts to the boys… the biggest challenge for me is getting their schoolwork prepared a head of time, so I started a work box system, where they have files for 6 weeks of work to be printed/assigned at a time. After I had the boxes set up, and showed my boys how I was doing things, I then told them it was their job to have their schedules made up before each 6 week schedule. Besides freeing me up to work on the girls stuff, I hope it’ll teach them to schedule and be prepared for scheduling their time, if they decide on secondary education some day and in the work place, especially if they have multiple jobs at one time. I still check on them to be sure they are giving themselves a sufficient workload each day, and we now have time for a morning time, where all of us work on something together, usually Bible, Social Studies and Science or Art.
That’s great, Prudence! I’ve tried giving my boys all of their work for the week before, and they enjoyed that for a while. If your boys can manage their studies for 6 weeks at a time, that’s a great skill for them. I agree! I’m glad you’ve been able to work out a system for your family. Thanks for sharing that with us!!!