Overview: While we often tuck in our young kids, teens are usually left to head to bed on their own. Discover 5 hidden benefits of tucking your teens in at night and why this simple routine can strengthen your bond.
When our kids are little, one of the most meaningful times of the day is when we tuck them into bed at night. We often make a ritual out of it.
We draw a warm bubble bath for them, complete with their favorite rubber ducky and various other toys. We read to them from delightful books. We cuddle and giggle and make delicious memories with them.
As long as we aren’t in a hurry, bedtime can be a wonderful memory we make with our kids. So, why do we stop tucking our kids into bed as they get older?
I’m here to tell you that you should also be tucking your teens in at night.
Just because our kids are getting older doesn’t mean we should stop tucking them into bed at night. In fact, the bedtime routine with our older kids is probably even more important than it is with our younger ones.
As our kids get older, they quite often start to pull away from us parents. They have all sorts of thoughts that they no longer share with us.
They have hopes and dreams and fears that they keep to themselves more and more.
Here are 5 Hidden Benefits of Tucking Your Teens In At Night:
1 – Shows Them We’re Interested
When we’re willing to ask our kids their opinions about various matters, they will be much more willing to listen to our opinions as well. Talk with them about various events that occurred throughout the day.
Ask them what they’re thinking. Ask them questions that don’t have a “yes” or “no” answer.
2 – Reminds Them They’re Valuable to Us
We’re all tired at night. When we are willing to take this time to show our kids how special they are to us, it makes a huge difference to them.
By the way, don’t ask them if they want to be tucked in at night. Just do it.
They may say “no” because they think they’re too old for it when inside they really mean “yes.” 🙂
3 – Helps Them to Open Up
Almost magically, right before bed is a time when all our kids seem more willing to share their hearts. In the evenings, they actually want to talk to us!
If we are wise, we need to take the time to take advantage of this important opportunity.
4 – Models Having a Servant’s Heart
Probably the last thing we want to do at night is to spend extra time tucking in our kids. At least I know I feel that way!
By the time bedtime rolls around, I’m pretty wiped out and I just want to sit and veg. When our kids see us spending this extra time with them, even though they know how tired we are, it is an excellent example for them.
Showing our kids how they should treat people is much more poignant than merely telling them.
5 – An Opportunity to Pray With Them
As our kids get older, they spend more time doing things on their own and away from the family. We need to grab whatever moments we can to pray for and with our kids.
Tween and teen kids are dealing with savage hormones and stressful situations. We need to cover them in prayer!
My husband and I take turns tucking our sons in each night and I can’t tell you how many times they’ve poured out their hearts to us at this time.
We not only learn how they really feel about events from earlier, but they’ve also shared with us things they’re struggling with as well as things their brother is struggling with. Bonus!
These minutes have been times when we’ve been able to strategize together. Sometimes they have become opportunities for confession–for us and for them.
Our family has benefited greatly from these conversations through the years.
→ Related Content: The Benefits of Sleep for Homeschooled KidsSome families struggle with their teens wanting complete privacy in their rooms and not wanting their parents to even enter. We’ve never had this problem with our boys.
They’re used to us coming in (after knocking, of course) and we feel completely welcome there. Tucking our older kids in at night is a great way to make sure they don’t isolate themselves from the family.
Our younger children benefit from having loving bedtime routines, and so do their older siblings. If you’ve gotten away from tucking your older kids in at night, resolve to make a change.
Tonight, as your children prepare to head off to bed, consider creating a new routine with them which will have a lasting impact!
Question: Do you tuck your older kids in at night? If you do, have you found that tucking them in has been beneficial? Please leave a comment below.
Originally written for Proverbial Homemaker. Reprinted with permission.
Yes, I/we still tuck our 18 year son at night(most of the time I do, since
my husband usually has already going to bed, but sometimes we are both in
the room when our son lies down and then it varies) our son actually likes us to
do this. Then after he’s tucked in, we pray with him. It’s our nightly routine.
And yes, there have been times of discussions, laughter, talking, etc before I/we leave
the room.
That’s wonderful to hear, Cathy. Before bed has been a great time for us to connect with our sons as well! I also have an 18-year-old son so I’m trying to make the most of these days before we enter a new season of life. Bittersweet!
I am usually in bed before my teens so they’ll sometimes come tuck me in but they’ve flat out asked me not to tuck them in anymore.
If bedtime isn’t really an option then you’ll have to be intentional about discovering other times to connect with your teens that work better for your family. Our kids are all unique and that’s a good thing!
We also tuxk our last child in at night. He expects a kiss on the head, hugs, and a quick prayer if it’s not too late. All three of us have our own health issues and really think it’s something Jesus would require of us, to be servants to one another in this manner. Time is so valuable and short.
Yes, we should try to make a habit of putting the needs of others before our own. We tend to do that a lot as parents – but bedtime is one of those super beneficial times if we’re willing to take advantage of it.
We have a nice bedtime routine too with our boys, twins aged 13 nearly 14 and our youngest is 11.
After a period of quiet time we gather in one bedroom for prayers and it’s an opportunity for any last chit chat of the day. We have hugs and kisses and they jump into bed.
This is a lovely time that I can’t imagine giving up.
I’m so glad to hear that, Fiona! It sounds wonderful. Yes, definitely keep that going as long as possible. 🙂
I often read with them at bedtime when they were younger. I wish I had been more faithful. I remember with sadness times they asked me to read, and I was just too busy. As they began reading on their own, they no longer needed me. I do try to kiss each of them after they lay down and still read to our youngest who is 11. Connecting with our older sons is definitely a challenge. Our 17 year old appreciates a warm breakfast before he leaves for work and will sometimes talk then. Each child is different and changes so drastically during the teen years. My husband reads the Bible with them and tries to converse about different topics of interest to them weekly, and I am so thankful for him because it truly is a task for Dad and Mom to tackle together. Like you, I have 2 who could spread their wings at any time. I am savoring every moment I am given with the four of them still under our roof. Homeschooling them through high school has been incredibly difficult. I would do some things differently, but I truly feel privileged to have spent so much time with them up to this point.
Such good insights, Darlene. Yes, it definitely is a challenge to connect with our older sons. But it’s wonderful that you’ve continued to look for and find ways to talk to your sons and maintain a close relationship with them. All of your efforts will pay off. You’ve probably already noticed that. Take care and thank-you so much for taking the time to share this with us.
I just want to thank all of you for your comments. I have 4 kids (ages 1-7). It is inspiring to hear the importance of spending time with my kids at night (even though I am so tired). I really loved reading the different ways you all connect with your children at night. Thank you all for the encouragement and ideas:) We currently either read a few books to our kids before bed or read and discuss a portion of the Bible.
We have 3 girls and I tuck them all in almost every night, sometimes I will have the older two tuck me in. The 14 yr old always wants to be tucked in, the 11 yr old does but doesn’t ask for it as much. The little one is 4 and always gets tucked in unless she sneaks off to bed on her own… I do tuck her in even though she is already asleep. They do seem to get talkative right be before bed. Even if I am really tired I listen at least for a little bit. I do think it is great and will keep doing it after reading this article.
It’s great that you’re taking advantage of this opportunity to connect with and have conversations with your daughters. It’s easy to slack off in this area, especially when we’re tired, but it’s definitely worth the extra effort!
So true! I love this. So often we just fuss at the older boys to wind down and get in bed. It’s so late by then that we don’t go in there for even a kiss goodnight. :(. We of course have gotten out of the habit of reading with our 16 and 14 year old, something I absolutely used to love to do. But when I found out that the 14 year old had never read the Lord of the Rings series, I felt so guilty that I was only reading it to our 10 year old. So I knocked and was allowed in for what he thought was just a goodnight hug, kiss and prayer. He lit up like a firefly when I asked him to scooch over and showed him the book. Will definitely be doing more of this with ALL 3 of our sons. Thank you for the encouragement.
You’re so welcome! I love hearing that, Brooke. What a special memory for both you AND for your son. Thanks for taking the time to share that with us.