10 Positive Parenting Tips for Teenage Boys

10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys

Overview: Parenting tween & teen boys can be mainly a STRUGGLE or mainly a JOYFUL experience. These positive parenting tips for tween & teen sons will TRANSFORM your relationship for the better!

If you have a tween or teen son, you probably feel a bit beaten up from time to time. Raising children is a stretching task no matter what their ages but parenting teenage boys is a whole different ballgame than when they were younger. Parents and teens alike can struggle during this season of life.

10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys

When our sons get to the tween and teen ages, they often turn into different kids. Suddenly, those sweet little boys who wanted to help us all of the time don’t want to keep their rooms clean or do chores. Those compliant sons who did whatever we asked no longer want to be told what to do. They can be surly, they have all sorts of raging hormones which make them overreact, they don’t like to stop what they’re doing, and they certainly don’t want to do their schoolwork.

So, what is a parent supposed to do when raising boys in this age category? Let’s face it. Raising tween/teen boys isn’t a picnic. The good news is that we aren’t powerless. Fortunately, there are ways that we can approach and deal with our sons that will help things to go much more smoothly. And with a few simple tweaks, we being a parent of a teenage son can overall be an amazing experience.

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Here are 10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys:

1 – Don’t take it personally

Our sons are starting to learn to deal with large levels of hormones that they’ve never experienced before. Not only that, but according to Harvard Medical School, their brains are actually being reshaped during this time. This can cause them to have a hard time dealing with their emotions, can make them more aggressive and angry, and can impair their ability to make good decisions. We need to give our boys LOTS OF GRACE during this volatile time in their lives.

2 – Remain calm

This is so important yet so hard to do. When we feel that we’re being verbally attacked, it’s natural for our stress level to rise and for us to experience fight or flight responses. Make sure you are praying that God will give you the strength and wisdom you need to make it through this difficult time.  Also, humor really helps in stressful situations. Rather than always feeling that you must correct your sons in a serious manner, try to joke around with them about it. Say something that will get them to laugh. Or make your point in a more lighthearted manner.

For instance, rather than getting angry and yelling at your son about his behavior, tell him that if he does that again you’re going to dangle him from the ceiling by his feet and tickle him with a feather. If you’re smiling and you can get him to laugh, you can diffuse what would otherwise be a stressful situation.

3 – Back off

Our tween and teen boys want to become increasingly independent from their parents. However, they still need us. This can be very frustrating for them and for us!  We’re used to calling the shots and suddenly our sons want to have more input in running their lives. This desire is healthy and good! We want our boys to grow into mature, independent men. Whenever possible, let your son make his own choices. As he shows responsibility, allow him even more freedom in this area. This is great training for him.

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4 – Let them experience the consequences of their actions

It’s important that we allow our kids to make mistakes. Allow them to make some bad decisions and then have to reap the consequences. This will make our sons more likely to ask for advice in the future. It is also a great way for them to learn. And we want our boys to learn from their mistakes before they’re on their own and capable of making decisions that could ruin their lives.

5 – Be willing to explain why

When you ask your tween and teen boys to do something, be willing to explain why you’d like it done that way. It’s much easier for them to obey a parental request that actually has a valid reason behind it than one which is completely arbitrary. This is also a good way to check ourselves. Are we being too authoritarian? Is our request actually important?

10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys

6 – Choose your battles

Our boys are going to do many things which will be frustrating and/or irritating to us. We shouldn’t reprimand them for everything or we will ruin our relationship with them. Choose one area to work on at a time and let the rest go. If your son is struggling with a sin issue, this would be the most important area to address first.

7 – Don’t get into a verbal duel

This is a hard one for me to follow. I’ve always been someone who enjoys debating various issues. So, when my sons balk at one of my requests, my first inclination is to bark back at them and try to force my authority over them. This doesn’t usually end well. It’s much more effective to ask your son to do the task and then walk away. Once your sons know that you’re serious, they will often comply.

8 – Get dad involved if you need a mediator

For whatever reason, it can be harder for your teenage son to take orders from his mom than it is from his dad. When you are having difficulty getting your son to listen, don’t be afraid to get your husband involved. Be sure you are presenting a united front.

9 – Praise liberally

Whenever your sons do something the way you’d like them to or have a good attitude, be sure to show lots of appreciation for it. No one wants to be reprimanded all the time. If you are extremely positive about their good behavior, they will be more likely to exhibit it more often.

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10 – Spend time with him

Even though our boys are growing up, they still want to have a good relationship with us. Be sure to let your son know that you love and value him. Spend time doing things with him that will build a strong relationship. Give him hugs! Give him advice when asked. Respect his feelings.

Parenting tween and teen boys can be a challenge. Fortunately, it is also a blessing. After a few years, our sons will grow into mature young men who will come to appreciate our efforts with them. Remember to hang onto the good times, be flexible, and be willing to give lots of grace!

Question:  Do you have any tween or teen sons? Have you discovered any other positive parenting tips that have been effective at your house? Please leave a comment below!

10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys

25 thoughts on “10 Positive Parenting Tips for Tween and Teen Boys”

  1. You have included some great points here. I think the hardest one is letting them experience the consequences of their actions. I like the quote from Kevin Leman, “Let the little buzzards tumble.” One of the hardest things in the world to do. Thank you for your insights.

    1. Oh, that quote is great! And I think you’re right – that is a tough one… for us moms especially. Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Excellent points, Michelle. Thanks for saying LOTS OF GRACE. Boys are so much more sensitive than we give them credit for.
    One thing that helps me stay “in the zone” with teen sons, so I don’t take things personally, is to consider my role as a coach. It helps me give them room to make honest mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and encourage them to move past the pain of a mistake, yet not lose the lesson. We have to remember teen boys are young men, not our babies anymore. πŸ™‚
    Thanks for the insights.

    1. You are so right! They are very sensitive! And it isn’t obvious at all. Thanks for mentioning that!

      And I love your suggestion to consider our role as a coach. Yes, that’s excellent!

  3. I love this! I’ve struggled with my teenage son this year, and it’s been a challenge. I love your last point – spend time with him. It’s so easy to avoid them when the relationship gets rocky, but this has been the saving factor for me. When we’re struggling to get through school well, we need hang out time to strengthen our trust in one another. Thanks for this encouragement!

    1. I can feel your pain, Betsy. I went through it with my oldest and now I’m feeling it with my youngest son. There are definitely a few rocky years in there. But I feel so much more relaxed about it knowing that they DO come out the other side. I’m so glad I was able to be an encouragement to you! Take care and I hope you’re able to make some nice moments with your son!

  4. Great tips- thanks!
    One phrase that’s been very helpful in dealing w disrespectful attitudes and expectations is “How about you rephrase that?” A friend suggested it last week and it’s already lightheartedly resolved many heretofore escalating scenarios!

    1. One of my sons loves watching basketball so we watch games together. It’s amazing how much we talk during this time. My other son enjoying playing video games with us. And both of my sons enjoy listening to John Williams/movie themes while sitting in the living room and having family discussions. It’s amazing how much they open up during these times!

  5. Your post was a direct answer to prayer as I was about to step it up with both of my boys who were being disrespectful to me. I want immediate response and for this to go away, and now you’ve shown me that I have to be the calm adult and not let their hormones affect me. Hard to do. Thank you for sharing this.

    1. Oh, I’m so glad to hear that. God is good, isn’t He?!? I have to say that I feel your pain, Kim. You’re right – it’s NOT easy. Fortunately, this season does pass and things will get better. In the meantime – us moms in the trenches need to stick together and encourage each other! πŸ™‚ Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!

  6. This is an excellent article! Our son is 19 now and everything you wrote is great advice that works. Holding my tongue, talking less and listening more helps too – that is when I remember to do it!

  7. I’ve been struggling with my now 14 yr old for a couple of years, but I am seeing that the more I rely on God and implement gospel principles, things run a lot smoother. However, that is not always easy. Also, he spends a lot of time with his dad learning the things of manhood. Great post!

    1. Thank-you. And you’re right – it doesn’t come naturally for us to hand stuff over to God and let Him tell us what to do. At least it doesn’t for me. I like to think that I’m in charge. πŸ˜‰ It’s wonderful that your son is spending a lot of time with his dad. That is important time for our boys!!! Thanks so much for stopping by!

    2. I was in the same boat… I found this site http://www.preparemykid.com and both my kids (13 and 16) like the videos and lessons because they are short and funny. They are also simple to follow and we have had some great conversations as a result of watching them.

  8. I require all of my kids to be home for Sunday dinner unless they are working. This makes it so even my college kids come home with their other half. This has really helped our blended family. At times I even request the kids make extra time to do things as a family (i.e. pumpkin patch, pumpkin carving, drive in movie, holiday shopping for needy family).

  9. Get started when he’s a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents’ voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.

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